The Pink and Floral Elephant in the Room
We often take inspiration from how to “perfectly” celebrate Mother’s Day from social media. Perfect bouquets, lavish brunches, all to honor our mothers in a most special way. The society tends to ignore that these images often contrast with the messy, complex, or sad realities of a mother-daughter relationship in favor of one-day consumerism. At times, Mother’s Day can be really difficult to celebrate.
For some of us, these idealized “celebrations” don’t bring joy; they bring a knot to the stomach or a heaviness to the heart.
This post isn’t about “fixing” everything by Mother’s Day Sunday. It’s about giving you permission to feel what you feel and offering a place of refuge.
You Aren’t a “Bad Catholic Daughter”
We often tend to believe the myth that every Catholic home is a “domestic church” where everyone gets along perfectly. I think this is a hope and a dream for all of us, but more often than not, it doesn’t come to pass.
Let me tell you something now: it is possible to love God and still have a complicated, painful, or distance-filled relationship with your mom.
Honoring your mother (the 4th Commandment) doesn’t always look like a Hallmark card. Sometimes it looks like prayer from a distance, setting healthy boundaries, or simply choosing not to speak in bitterness.
These are complex situations, and discerning how to deal with them faithfully and lovingly is sometimes the best you can do. Even, when you see Mother’s Day as the most difficult “task” to tackle.
Or Am I?
A few years back, I had a situation with my mom. Nothing super dramatic. It wasn’t even an argument. We just exchanged a few texts, and we stopped talking. For some time. Three years to be exact.
We talk now, but we never really resolved the issue. I don’t know how she feels about it. I never asked since we started talking. But I want to, because I don’t like unfinished chapters.
I started praying, firstly for resolution, then for softening of her heart. Then I readjusted the course.
I started praying for her, and for the graces she needed that I didn’t understand.
Then the peace in my own heart has been restored.
Turning to Mary on a Difficult Mother’s Day
When our earthly relationships are lacking, we have a biological “emptiness” that needs to be filled.
As Catholics, we are invited to honor Mary. As the Mother of God, but also our own personal mother.
Catholics DO NOT worship Mary, as worship is only due to God, but we give her the highest honor. It is higher than dulia (given to saints) but lower than latria (given only to God).
If you are hurting this Mother’s Day, I invite you to imagine yourself not just as a devotee of Mary, but as her little girl.
Mary is not some distant being, up up in the way. No, she’s here with you now. Caring for you, listening to you, and comforting you.
If you can’t call your mom today, or if calling her is painful, try “calling” your Heavenly Mother.
Sit in a quiet space and let her hold your heart.
She understands motherhood perfectly, especially the parts that involve suffering and sorrow.
I like what Fr. Calloway said about praying the Rosary: “Each Hail Mary is like a kiss for our Heavenly Mother.”
Share the pains and troubles of your wounded daughter’s heart with Mary. Her maternal heart intercedes for you and for me. Whatever weighs heavily on your heart, our Lady wants to comfort her beloved daughter.
When you decide to pray the Rosary today, offer it for your mom’s intentions. Imagine that when you hold each bead, you really hold Mary’s hand.
How sweet is your burden now?
Practical Steps for a Peaceful Mother’s Day
I’d like to offer you a few simple, maybe not easy, ways to still celebrate difficult Mother’s Day with a peaceful heart.
- Small Gesture
If you want to reach out but things are tense, send a simple card or a “Thinking of you” text without expectations of a “perfect” response.
- The “Spiritual Mother” Bouquet
Offer a Rosary or a single flower at a statue of Mary for your mother (healing her) and for yourself (healing your wounds).
- Boundary Setting
It’s okay to stay off social media for the day if the “perfect family” posts are a trigger for your grief.
- Seek a Maternal Figure
Look for a woman in your parish who radiates “motherly” warmth. You can honor the gift of motherhood by appreciating the women who have spiritually mothered you.
If you feel comfortable and know your mother well, consider sending her a bouquet with a simple note: “I love you, Mom.” Don’t expect anything, not even a thank you.
Make a conscious decision to take this step toward reconciliation if you’re on this path.
If nothing happens. Pray. Thank God for the opportunity to reach out to an estranged mom and to bless her.
And ask Mary to console you.
You Are a Beloved Daughter
Your worth as a daughter isn’t defined by the state of your relationship with your mother.
You are first and foremost a beloved daughter of God.
God knows your name, circumstances, fears, and dreams.
And He takes pleasure in you, simply because of who you are, not for your achievements.
Perhaps a brief call on Mary would help you to feel the presence of the mother in your life and that you’re loved:
“Mother Mary, take my hand and lead me to the peace only your Son can give”.
And remember,
You are seen, you are loved, and you are not alone this Mother’s Day. Your pain doesn’t make you a ‘bad daughter’ or a ‘bad Catholic.’
If your heart is heavy, I would be honored to carry these burdens with you. You don’t have to carry the weight of these strained relationships in silence.
Whether you need prayers for your relationship with your mother, for your own healing, or simply for the grace to get through the day with peace, please share them with me below.
Would you like to share your prayer intentions with me? Please feel free to leave a comment or email me. I am here for you.
Your Sister in Christ,
Michalina